Random Story

[Chmera]

he died somehow, and was eaten by a lion. Only in Kenya!

[Timballisto]

Then, he woke up on a giant piece of toast.  He had been revived by a force more powerful than himself (even if he DID have demon powers, there were more than enough people/beings/things that were more powerful than him).  So he started to make his way to the edge of the toast.  It was a three day journey, but he was in no trouble.  He just ate the toast along the way.  On the third day...

[Lemika]

He realised that he was having delusions again. The thing that he had been walking along for days had not in fact been a peice of toast; it had been a very strange rock formation. In the midst of a terrible thunderstorm, Lemmy tripped and fell off the rock. He tumbled slowly down the mountain until he hit his head on a parked car, and slumped over, unconscious.

As he opened his eyes, he could dimly hear people talking about him, though not in the most flattering terms.
"Rather bedraggled thing, don't you think?"
"I'm fairly certain it is dead, Mayor."
"Ah, then we should probably dispose of it."
"I'm hungry. Can I eat it?"
Lemmy scrabbled to his feet, glaring at them. "Yo, guys," he said, waving. "I'm Lemmy. If you try to eat me, I'll rip your brains out."
The crowd of men in black suits stared at him, and then ran away screaming. He laughed, stole the car, and drove away in a random direction.

[Liebatron]

Due to his arrogance, he neglected to pick a direction to go that would be logical, thinking that his demon powers would save him if anything befell him. He was right. He went careening off of a cliff, and was thrown headlong off the piece of toast into an unfathomable abyss. This was when Lemmy concluded that it would definitely be a bad  idea to get off of the toast, as it would mean imininent death. The bad side of this realisation was that he was already off of it, and losing distance from it rapidly. He used his demon powers to float back up to the crust, and to retrieve the car. The rain cleared for a moment, and the lightning flashed in synchronization with it, and Lemmy got his first glimpse of the rock formation that he had named "The toast". It was mostly flat, but for a tall, imposing spire in the middle, which by all physical laws, should have toppled over by now, especially with the storm. It's towers and balconies hung off of a structure already listing to an extremity. A waterfall with seemingly no source poured out from on of the balconies to create a swimming pool on a lower one, and leading from that to an aquaduct that twirled around the building in a majestic pattern with little or no structural support. At it's base, a simple, unadorned, unfluted, uncapped pedestal held the entire structure aloft. lemmy identified more things around the spire, the aquaduct leading away from it when it touched ground, and the river leading down under it, and some other things, but the weather didn't allow him sufficient time to analyze it. As Lemmy walked towards it, he noticed a strange felling in his palms. When he looked down, he noticed that they were bleeding, so he bandaged them, but the blood simply ran through the bandages. It ran through more and more as he walked closer to the spire, and lay on the ground behind him. The lightning flashed, and Lemmy saw his palm as it really was. He wasn't bleeding, his hands were perfectly healthy, but they had been leaking an odd, grey liquid. He tried to figure out what it was using his demon powers, but they wouldn't work. Lemmy got an idea, he shoved some of the stuff back in his palm and tried to use his demon powers to lift a pebble by his toe. It was possible but way more difficult than usual. he let the stuff run out of him for awhile, then tried it again. It was impossible.

[Lemika]

Desperately, Lemmy ripped up a blanket he found in the back of his car and bound his hands with it, thinking that would help. It didn't seem to do much could, but it offered some strange comfort to Lemmy.
He leaned against the car, stared up at the sky, and sheilded his eyes with one paw to look up at the top of the spire. He thought he could see creatures moving around up there. He determined the the best thing he could possibly do was to get there are quickly as possible, so he hopped back in the car, revved the engine, and drove towards the spire.
He crashed into the wall of the spire and crawled out of the wreckage, looking around. As he dragged himself to his feet he noticed a skeletal form holding one hand out to him. It was wearing a leisure suit and held a toaster in the other hand. "What the heck?" Lemmy asked, taking the hand and pulling himself to his feet.
"I have come to greet you and show you to the central chamber. You are to be inducted into our society."
"Eh?" Lemmy blinked, then shrugged. "Okay, guy. Take me to your leader." The skeleton gave off an impression of glaring at him, and started walking into the tower. Lemmy followed it.

[Timballisto]

Then the tower turned into some crazy checkerboard that repeated itself forever.̆ The skeletons disappeared after saying "Gerf!̆ Why are you Gerf?".̆ So then there was a robot that came out of nowhere.̆ After awhile it stopped in front of Lemmy.̆ Then it incessantly repeated "Please pass the milk please, pass the milk please pass the milk please..."
If Lemmy moved anywhere the robot followed him.̆ Eventually he ran into a place where the checkerboard suddenly became narrow, 3 tiles (3 foot) across.̆ He started to cross it.̆ After a while, he got an idea.̆ He pushed the robot over the edge.

"Please pass the milk please, pass the milk please pass the milk please..."

"Now he's gone.̆ Thank goodness."̆ Lemmy thought.̆ So he sat down to rest.̆ He soon fell asleep.̆ When he woke up there was what looked like an angry egg with a black half circle for a mouth and two black circles for eyes.̆ It was yelling at him.

"?bobikiW gniK morf liah taht ytivarg fo seceip eht gnitae ton uoy era yhW"

An egg popped out of Lemmy and then said

".rengierof a s'eh, yrroS"
".ytivarg eht tae ot mih llet dna ereht ni kcab teg lleW̆ .hO"

So then the egg got back into Lemmy.̆ Suddently he felt like trying to chew on the air, which he did.̆ Eventually he began to feel light and hovery.

"!gnikrow s'tĬ !ytivarg hguone gnitae era ew, dooG"

Lemmy was trying to figure out what the heck was going on, and why there was an egg in him.

[Lemika]

He thought he was brilliant, and whenever an idea came to him, he thought it was a brilliant idea. So with ripping open his stomach and pulling the egg out. He did this, and watched it fall as pain shot through him. "Good idea," he muttered as his vision grew dim. He could see his own blood and guts floating around below him. He couldn't figure why he or anything else was floating, but he didn't have time to ask any questions, because he passed out.

When he awoke, everything had changed again. He was lying sprawled on his back on the pavement, and he heard the clicking as camera crews took pictures of him. He could hear their conversation.
"Terribly sad, really. That's the tenth rodent killed in this manner this month."
"I don't understand it."
"Makes quite a good story, though. Snap more pictures, Jerry."
"Right on, Jack. Right on."
Lemmy groaned, and opened his eyes. Three men in blue suits with cameras were standing around him with doleful expressions on their faces. One of them also had a notepad, and was making notes.
"Look, Jack! It's alive!"
"So it is, Jerry. So it is. Kenny, kill it so we can have our story."
'Kenny' looked solemn and mournful as he raised his camera and smashed it repeatedly over Lemmy's head. Lemmy writhed and screamed, and then lost consciousness again. He vaguely wondered if he would wake up this time.

[Chmera]

Lemmy, thankfully, did wake, albeit not in the best place possible. He had been dropped haphazardly into a cage, in what looked like a laboratory. He groaned. His stomach was bandaged, but he couldn't comfortably move an inch.

[Liebatron]

So he didn't, he moved several feet. Now that he was away from the tower, he noticed his demon powers slowly coming back. When he finally opened his eyes, he realized that---[subliminal message]---I AM A PICKLE---[subliminal message]---he was in a lab or something.
"Its still alive, KENNY! where are ye lad? get ove' here."

Lemmys demon powers prevented him from being killed (or, more particularly, lemmy fell unconscious, and then a thousand fireballs all came and completely oblierated kenny.) Nobody touched Lemmy in the lab for awhile afterwards.

[Lemika]

Lemmy opened his eyes, and groggily realized that he was still in a cage. However, he was certain that he could feel himself moving somehow. He struggled to a sitting position and looked around. He discovered that somebody had loaded his cage onto the back of a very large pick-up truck, and they were now speeding through the countryside. The bars weren't very close together, and Lemmy contemplated wriggling out behind the truck, but he realized that could be hazardous to his health in his current weak state. So he decided to wait and see where the truckers would take him.

He watched as they drove through a strangely desolate town. The only sign of life Lemmy could see was a farmer selling some vegetables by the side of the road. The man had a very empty gaze which creeped Lemmy out, so he turned his attention to the huge skyscraper they were approaching. The building looked somewhat old, and had an advertisement proclaiming "LemMix -- The New Staple of Your Diet!".
Lemmy got a rather cold feeling as they unloaded him from the truck and carried the cage into a huge room and left him there. One of the men started gnawing on a bar of mixed up meat as he laughed at Lemmy. Lemmy's eyes went wide with horror, and he tried to back up as far as he could. His demon-powers didn't seem to be working so well, and he was scared the end was coming. However, he happened to notice a familiar form giving him the thumbs up from the window. It was...

[Liebatron]

Xan, who mouthed the words "start digging" to lemmy. Lemmy couldn't read lips, and sat back with a sigh when Xan disappeared from the window. Would Xan help him? He'd tried to kill lemmy a few times before, so why would he help him now? An explosion rocked the building, and the man chewing on meat grabbed a weapon and ran  to the stairs, then to the window. A couple missiles blew him back away from it, and the blast threw him back down the stairs. "I know those missiles" Lemmy thought. A moment later, a hook had been thrown in through the window, and it caught Lemmy's shirt. Someone outside the window said, "Whatever, close enough!" and yanked on the string, bringing Lemmy ouit of the window, onto a hovering platform next to Xan.  "Xan's ship?" Lemmy thought? Lemmy couldn't remember Xan ever having a ship, but he wasn't one to complain just now. Xan had an expression that combined anxiety, and frustration, "Why didn't you dig? I almost got killed down there waiting for you to come through the ceiling! Hold on, they're not going to make this escape easy." But before Lemmy could find something to hold onto, he was suddenly thrown back, fortunately into an object attached to the platform rather than off of it. As they approached lightspeed, Lemmy asked Xan (who didn't hear anything) how they weren't on fire, or dead or something? Xan never answered, and Lemmy fainted. He awoke for the fourth time in the same week. This obviously wasn't his week. When he woke up, he was in another cage, this one was made of steel, so he couldn't have gotten out of it, although he did scrape the edge off of it to see if he could squeeze through. Xan stepped into the room. It was an ordinary living room, except for the giant telescope opposite him and the computers next to him. Xan, with a smile on his face, said "ready? You know what's happening here?" Lemmy was confused, and he looked to be as well.  Xan explained that the telescope was actually a Lemmy-powered ray-gun, and that was why Xan had saved him. "What?! How are you going to use me as a power source?" Lemmy shouted. "The people in the Matrix didn't seem to have any problem doing that. The only difference is that I'm sticking you in "just dig", the lemming equivalent of heaven or nirvana." Lemmy had no complaint afterwards, and kept saying things like "is it done yet?", "Why does this TAKE so long!?", and "You're sure it isn't Finland?" Just then, he saw yet another familiar, green figure creep in through the window. it snuck up behind Xan and was about to make Xan self destruct when Lemmy saw it and shouted out, "XAN, LOOK BEHIND YOU!"   


               -to be continued by next poster-

[Lemika]

Xan quickly whirled around, pulled out a gun and blew the garg into kingdom come. Then he turned back around, blew the non-existant smoke from his gun, and asked "Why didn't you mention that sooner, kid? Soul's could've been saved."
Lemmy felt his tenuous grasp on reality slipping even further. He backed up and stammered "Well, I--I didn't see it earlier, Xan! You know I would've told you something like that!"
As he was backing up, Lemmy fell against the window and nearly broke it. "Careful, kid. They don't make starship windows like they used to. Now, c'mon -- I was just funning you. You don't have anything to do with my plot of ultimate power -- except that you're going to find this wonderful little gem that grants immortality. See, I want you to do it because you seem to already be immortal. You'd have no motive to gyp me out of my stone."
Xan turned around and began to work the controls like a madman. Lemmy stared at him as they went into hyperspace.

[Liebatron]

"Warning: this topic has not been posted in for at least 120 days.
Unless you're sure you want to reply, please consider starting a new topic. "




Apparently, Neither I nor anyone else knows how to continue a story that has an actual plot.

[Lemika]

True, but it would it be a 'random' story if it had a plot? It's kinda impossible to keep up a plot with (supposedly) so many different people, anyhow.

[DrLemmingsham]

I'll post, just to keep the story going:

Lemmy was still on Xan's ship. Then, suddenly, he heard a noise. 2 people came in. One was a strange, bald, tall, thin man with one green eye and one pink eye. The other looked like a scientist. "Well, Zaironyeko, let's wake him up," said the scientist. "Okay, Lemmingsham," said the other one. Xan looked at them, but Lemmingsham knocked him out. "Lemmy, this is a dream. We've been trying to wake you up. We've tryed demons, police, giant pieces of toast, skeletons, you name it," Lemmingsham said. He broke the side of the cage, pulled Lemmy out, and started shaking him vigorusly. When that wasn't enough, he pounded Lemmy onto the floor. Lemmy fell asleep, and woke up again in a large mansion. His demon "powers" were gone. Xan was on the floor next to his bed. Lemmy looked around the mansion. It was Lemmingsham's mansion. It was also The Ambridge Mansion. It was also haunted with ghosts and infested with monsters...