Random Story

[Lemika]

"Hey, kid. Long time no see."
Lemmy stared, crouched in the corner of his jail cell like a wild animal. His hair was singed, and he felt half dead. "Xan! You ... you rescued me!"
Xan motioned for Lemmy to come out of the cell. "Hurry up, kid. We haven't got much time. I blasted most of those devil Lemmings, but they could be coming back at any moment."
"I'll kill them all!" Lemmy shouted, leaping out of the cage. "I'll bathe in their blood! I'll -- you happen to have any food on ya?"
"Here." Xan handed Lemmy a hot pepper sandwitch and a beer.
"Right, that's weird," Lemmy remarked. He did, however, scarf it down very quickly. "I feel like killing something, Xan."
"Here they come."
The devil Lemmings flooded in, waving their pitchforks and screaming. Lemmy threw back his head and laughed at them, preparing to enact the most devastating magic he knew...
... And then he realized he couldn't do anything. He stared. "What's happening? What about my demon powers?" He couldn't believe it.
"See, kid, I've been meaning to tell you," Xan began, clapping Lemmy on the back. "The rest of the Chaos Gods decided you shouldn't be having them any more. They gave them to me."
"WHAT?!" Lemmy, enraged, whirled around and flung bolts of ice at the devil Lemmings. "Impossible! I am the one who will destroy the universe!"
"You're going a bit overboard there, kid," Xan remarked. "Still, it worked. Let's go."
Lemmy blinked. He realized he had little comprehension of what had gone on, but then, that was normal. They made for Xan's starfighter and blasted off.

[Mr. K]

They flew to a nearby planet.  When the ship landed, Lemmy got out and was promptly assaulted by cheese triangles.  He ate them in self defense and got quite fat.  As he waddled along the now bare (except for a few crumbs) landscape, a freak dimensional rift opened up and Ted the evil alien appeared from exactly 743 days in the past.

Lemmy yelled "Oh #$%@!!!!" as the floor collapsed.  He fell into a pit full of lava where he was suddenly bound by ropes just as he was going to burn into a flaming mass.  He was in the exact same predicament as he'd been when he reincarnated a certain time two years ago!  He hoped that he could make his own nausea, but he wasn't sure if he'd be able to slip out so easily this time.

[psst, reference the old LF's Random Story, July 13 2004, to refresh your memory]

[Ice_Eagle]

Suddenly, Lemmy got his demonic powers back and escaped from the burning lava, then fought with Ted.

"Er...me not Ted. Me Krall."
"WHAT THE HECK?" yelled Lemmy.

Suddenly, he remembered that he had not completely destroyed Lemmings 3D yet.

"Oh no! I forgot to destroy Lemmings 3D!"
"Don't worry, I'll do it for you."

It was Xan. He used one of his powers to destroy all the other Lemmings levels.

Unfortunately "Rescue Team" wasn't destroyed yet.

[Lemika]

Then Xan destroyed it. He'd left it just to tweak Lemmy, but he thought better of it.
"Get the Krall too!" Lemmy shouted, pointing a quavering finger at it. "It's been stalking me for more than fifty pages! It's gotta die!"
"Sorry, kid. No can do."
"What? I'll -- I'll kill it myself, then!" Lemmy looked around wildly for a weapon. He found...

[Ice_Eagle]

a glowing hot mace. He swung it many times on Krall. Krall exploded.

"Cool move, dude," said Xan.
"Well, he deserved it," yelled Lemmy.

Suddenly, exactly 56 yellow dragons surrounded both Xan and Lemmy.

"Use that mace," whispered Xan to Lemmy.

Then Lemmy swung the mace, hitting...

[Lemika]

himself in the head. He tumbled to the ground in slow motion, the mace flying out of his hand, as incredibly strange music played in the background. He retained just enough consciousness to see the dragons all start grooving to the music in slow motion. He tried to raise his hand, but he felt as if he was stuck in a tar pit.
Xan was the only one who didn't appear to be moving in slow motion. He picked up Lemmy's mace and walked up behind the largest dragon, bashing in its skull with one swift stroke. Blood splashed all over Lemmy, but he still couldn't move. The dragons turned around to stare at Xan, but they were too slow. Xan hurled the mace away and wasted them all with a minigun. Then he gave Lemmy the thumbs up and walked away.
"Wait!" Lemmy gasped. It seemed very surreal to him to hear his own voice in slow motion. The earth opened up under him, and he started falling. He got to see the different rock layers in very nice detail as he slowly fell, scrabbling at the sides. He landed at the end on what seemed to be a beech chair, though he was in the middle of a large cavern.
"Where the hell am I?" Lemmy wondered, looking around. He saw...

[Ice_Eagle]

Shadow the Hedgehog.

"Hello, Lemmy," said Shadow.
"Uh...who are you?"
"Name's Shadow."
"That's nice."
But then Shadow sped close to him, and then attacked him by pushing him out of the layers of the earth.

They were now in the forest, where Shadow continuously attacked Lemmy.

[Chmera]

He died yet again, and so did shadow when the Beast of Argh ate him.

[Lemika]

Luckily, Lemmy respawned nearby with a gun in his head. Unfortunately, he had no idea how to use a gun, so he threw it away. "My demon powers are all I need!" He declared.
"Really?"
Lemmy had no idea where the hissing voice had come from, but he whirled around and pointed in a random direction. "Yes! I can destroy your very SOUL with ease!"
A hideous monstrosity lurched out of the bushes and started clawing his back. Lemmy stole its soul.
A somewhat familiar looking demon in a cheap one-peice suit came up to him, and shook his hand. "Lemmy," it said. "You have done well with the powers I gave you."
"Wh-who are you? I seem to remember you... but I don't know... don't know from where!" Lemmy gasped, staring into the demon's twisted face.
"Aww, c'mon Lemmy! You know who I am!" the demon said, twirling a cigarette in one hand. It affected a strange accent.
"Oh! Yes. You're the demon who sold me my demon powers way-back-when (issue 26, remember?)!"
"That's right. Now, see, you've been makin' a little free with our bargain. I think we'd better review the paperwork." It reached around in its one-peice suit and pulled out a thick sheaf of paperwork. "Hmmm... hmmm. Let's see. What have we got here? Leroy? No, that's not you. Larry? Hardly... ah, here we are! Lemmy!" the demon brandished the papers triumphantly, letting the others flutter to the ground all around Lemmy.
"Bargain? I don't remember making a bargain!" Lemmy snarled. "I think I can take you now, you little punk. I'll kill you."
He lunged at the demon, and...

[Ice_Eagle]

stabbed the demon with his demon sword, which was in his pocket.

Then Lemmy stole the powers from the demon. "YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!" yelled Lemmy. "I GOT MY POWERS!!!!!"

Suddenly, he saw 189 lemmings with this:

[Lemika]

He started yelling random things about ultimate power and destroyed all one hundred and eighty nine of them. "Your souls will fuel my power! You will aid my dominance of the universe by your deaths!" he shouted.
"Kid, I think you're getting a bit full of yourself."
It was, of course, Xan.
Lemmy turned around. "Where did you come from, Xan? I thought you left a while ago!"
"I came back. Have a beer?" Xan handed one to Lemmy, while pouring another one down his arm hatch.
"Thanks, man. I just killed a demon, and now I've got... powers... more than I had before..." Lemmy stared off into the distance. "I can see it all unfolding before me. The events of the entire world. Ah! The world sucks! I've got to do something about that!"
He tossed the beer can aside and ran off.

[Liebatron]

First, Lemmy restored the 189 lemmings to life, then he stopped all conflicts, and created a world where anything but complete and total agreement and peace were considered wierd. Other than that everyone hated war, there was no conflict. Eventually though, even though lemmy was in fact, a nice person, the demon powers began to take their toll. Lemmy became evil, and he got bored with living in peace al day, so he...

[Lemika]

flew around destroying random establishments and knocking over banks. Eventually, even the peaceful people of the world he had created snapped, and began to create machines of war. They started many bloody wars that would last for centuries.
Considering his work done, Lemmy flew away with the money. He ended up falling through a strange glowing green rift in the universe, and appeared in futuristic looking ship floating above radioactive looking ocean.
"This is great!" Lemmy remarked.

[Chmera]

Some people cheered on the sidelines until they were hit by a nuclear bomb.

[Ice_Eagle]

Then a red bomb started to chase Lemmy.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" yelled Lemmy. "Get this thing away from me!!!!!!!"

Then a blue bomb and a yellow bomb chased him. It was scary.

Lemmy used his demon powers, but...