Random Story

[Lemika]

"I've killed millions," Lemmy snarled, his tone surly. He realized he didn't have anywhere to put the head, so he just clutched it in one paw.
"Sure, kid. That doesn't make you a great warrior. Those millions... sucked."
Lemmy stared up at Xan, who was still leaning out of the ceiling. "Will you STOP that?" he shouted, waving his arms around. Droplets of blood from the severed head splashed everywhere.
"Aieeee!" he screamed, cowering on the ground. "The blood -- it burns --"
Xan left again.

Lemmy could hear vague rending noises off in the distance, but he was oblivious. And then...

[Liebatron]

Yes. said lemmy who had frequently become an indian tribe chief. then he said, "how how how how how how how how how." Then Xan left and Kriegor came in. he picked up the aquatic creature and squished it with a train. Shigeru miyamoto did not like this so he worked for nintendo and sega. this did not satisfy him so he helped create starfox 64. then all was well in the land of lemming.

[Lemeri]

But this did not matter, for they were no longer in the land of Lemming. Meanwhile, Lemmy had declared himself the Dark Lord of the Sith. He tried to build a lightsaber for himself, but cut himself in half while trying. As he lay bleeding on the floor, he saw...

[Lemika]

Xan Kriegor, standing over him with a redeemer and an even more menacing pose than usual.
"You've outstepped your limits in this universe, Lemmy," he said. "It is time for you to leave it."
He leveled the weapon at Lemmy's head.
"No!" Lemmy shreiked. "I still... have power!"
"Not for long," Xan promised grimly. He pulled the trigger, and Lemmy got a redeemer full in the face. His world went to a blood-spattered black haze.

Lemmy was beginning to feel he would never die. He regained consciousness yet again in a tunnel carved out of a glacier. Blue ice surrounded him, and it was so could he should have died the instant he appeared there.
He, obviously, had not.
When he stood, he realized two things: the tunnel was tall enough to stand in, and he was wearing a large fur coat with a hood.
It still didn't explain why he hadn't frozen to death. Lemmy decided not to worry about such petty things, and started walking.

[Liebatron]

Xan Kriegors voice boomed through the tunnel. you think you're safe in your cave and you ally. The time machine i put you in accidentally sent you backwards in time rather than to the harsh conditions of the future.
You are in not any cave, but in a cave outside of the palace of Lem'ka. The current time period is During the magic wars. i can only communicate a little longer but you need to find a way to get back here even if it means living all the time between where you are now, the beggining of the magic wars, and now . Remember this, i don't have all the details but earths future is at stake, if you don't survive, then it will....flames......destruction.....universal...destruction.....
Soon the last edges of Xan voice faded out. Lemmy looked outside of the cave and saw a small dial. he turned it one way and it got even colder. he turned it tthe other way until he felt it was the same as the temperature outside (79 degrees farenheit) It was a nice summer day and lemmy sat there watching the palace until he saw the motion that started the war. Lem'kas Legions marched  in rows of 600 by 1200.
Off in the distance he saw the forces of timballisto and dumb lem preparing for battle against Lem'ka and eachother...

[Lemika]

There was a grinding noise, and Lemmy felt himself stretching across time. He reached a hand out in a futile gesture to cling to the ice walls, but it didn't work. His hand was ripped from his body, and he disappeared.

He fell face forward onto ragged stone. He realized that his hand was back where it belonged, which was good; he also realized that the sky was black with storms.
This must be where Xan wanted to send me, Lemmy thought, as a third realization came to him. He was lying on top of the roof of a skyscraper.

"Xan, what have you done to me?" Lemmy wailed, pounding his fists on the ground until they bled. Then he fell down on his side and stared dimly across the landscape whilst a storm raged around his ears.

A portal in the roof lurched open, and a shadowy form stumbled out of it. "Lemmy..." it croaked, veering towards him...

[Liebatron]

I am Xan kriegor... this is far in the future from when you came from just recently. Look around you...I will transport you back in time when you have done this.Remember, this will happen if you do not survive..."
Lemmy looked around. He was on a comet looking at the remains of earth. It had been shattered and smashed into sixteen large pieces and about three billion other pieces... Shortly after, he was teleported back.


Timballisto fired the first shot. then Battle was joined. Lemmy watched from his distant cave trhinking about what xan said. If he was of the immortals, then he could never die. So he wouldn't need to worry about dying like Xan said...or would he? He didn't want to try and find out. Eventually Lem'ka won the battle and the forces of Timballisto and Dumb lem had been crushed.
The magic wars had begun....

[Lemika]

Much to Lemmy's disgust. That harsh, bleak future was beginning to look much more bright to the beleaguered Lemming.
He managed to hole himself up in the ice caverns and avoid detection by the troops, but he felt there was something missing.
Then he realized what it was -- he was accomplishing... nothing.
A hollow feeling came over him, and he crumpled to the ground. "Useless!" he wailed. "That's what I am -- useless!"
"Hardly," Xan hissed. "You still have a use. You need only find it."
Then he was gone again, leaving Lemmy lying on his side staring at the hard ice.

[Liebatron]

An arrow came into the cave he was in and smashed a stalactite. Lemmy got up an realised another battle had started. It was between conway, timballisto, and of course, Lem'ka (who was in many battles.) There was also another faction though... Soon he realised that he was at the head of that army. If he had done this, then why didn't he remember? Shortly after he saw himself get wacked on the head by one of the few primitive clubmen in the battle. Oh, so that's why he didn't remember this battle. eventually, he saw his general, call a retreat. Eventually, once again, Lem'ka won the battle. soon after, lemmy decided to leave the cave. He followed his army and talked to his army about who he was and how he got there. He knew more than his army because he was from the future and he had a healing kit with him. it was only a small first aid kit but it was something he always carried with him just in case Xan Kriegor got the better of him, but now it came in handy. He healed himself and he must have done something right because when he did, he suddenly remembered the whole thing. apparently, he'd healed his own head injury to the point of it only being a bruise. Then he told himself his story and he laughed at himself. since the future lemmy remembered what he had done, lemmy told him back all his battle plans and the future lemmy convinced the past lemmy that he was himself.(geez! this is getting confusing!) Lemmy made lemmy general second in command. At first the army was skeptical but after lemmy told them that lemmy was lemmy but a different lemmy but in a wierd sort of way that he was actually a different lemmy, they believed him. They all started back towards lemmy hall. In a few hours, they got back home and saw that it was under minor siege by Dumb lem. They ran back home and took position on the walls. It took awhille but eventually, dumb lems armies were battered down so they had to command a retreat. Lemmy and Lemmy took a round by the castle inspecting for damage. The entire east wall was down. X_X

[Lemeri]

Suddenly, a black cloaked man lept out from the shadows. He shot both of the Lemmys, while shouting "FOR MANDALORE!". The bodies tumbled over the wall in slow motion, slamming into the muck that lay at the bottom with a plop sound.

[Timballisto]

Then, he sank into the muck, and into another world.  He was in a land with gravelish ground and a hazy sky.  Several cube shaped boulders were rolling around.  one started rolling towards Lemmy!   He quickly dove aside and let the gargantuos thing pass him, barely missing his feet.  He could feel the breeze it made as it passed.  He stood up and looked around for awhile, pondering how on earth his life went through such events as to lead him here.  Slowly, the earth begin to tilt.  It tilted down, and down, and down, and all of the big boulders were rolling down that way!  Lemmy hopped to his feet, and quickly dug a shallow hole in which he could take shelter.  He'd never seen anything like this in his entire life.  The boulders passed, leaving plumes of dust and gravel in their wake.  Lemmy rubbed the grit from his eyes, and then watched the boulders slowly descend into oblivion.  the earth was still tiliting crazily, and the angle at which it tilted was constantly getting steeper and steeper.  Lemmy struggled to grasp the reality of  this iminent doom, to keep from complete panic.  To think.  To think was the only way, the only possible way to keep himself from falling into the ends of nothingness that stretched away before his small burrow.  He needed to devise a plan.  Keeping his head level, he came up with a simple plan: to dig.  Again, he dug the hole, only this time he curved it towards the slope, always feeling to make sure that the hole's bottom was level.  The constant change of gravity dizzied him, making his work all the harder.  Not only that, but the ground kept getting harder and harder as he got deeper.  But he was a lemming!  He would succeed!  He could not fail no matter what, for to dig is to be a lemming!  Lemmy concentrated all of his strength on his task.  His midn was wheeling with thoughts of survival, what would happen if he faltered, why he was there.  Then, in the midst of it all, Lemmy felt the earth under him give.  He realized quickly, that the earth had made a full 180 degree rotation and stopped-he was digging towards his death.  he recoiled, and scampered back to the middle of his tunnel, and just in time.  When he looked back, he could see the hazy air of the earth outside in palce of gravel and grit.  He had won the battle, for the time being, anyway.  He was trapped in a tunnel in the air.  He had no food, nor did he have any water.  For a time, he laid down in his tunnel, and thought about misscellaneous things that just happened to cross his mind.  He had nothing better to do.  He was thinking about his old days of DOS Lemming playing, and how famous he was for his ability to lead his comrades to safety.  Now, he was forgotten, in a new age of games.  He remembered the digging, bashing, mining, floating, etc.  Then he remembered the digging again.  Digging.  He realized, that, maybe, just maybe, he could utilize that tool again.  He decided, that maybe, he could dig upwards.  That would be inventing a new skill though.  There was no dig up skill.  Lemmy had no choice, but to craft this skill from scratch.  He worked feverishly hard, for he only had so much time before thirst and hunger killed him.  At first, he guessed around, in the dark, trying different things and seeing where they took him.  It was difficult, and at first, it didn't seem like it would work.  Despite initial failure, he gradually developed an idea, from the gravity reversers in the newest lemming game.  He'd seen a lemming invent a gravity skill once.  He could reverse his gravity at any given time but only for awhile.  Then, the answer suddenly became clear.  He knew a general rule about digging: The skill continued until no more ground was left.  So, Lemmy could perform a gravity skill, and dig, and then even when the gravity skill ran out, the digging would continue, because of the rule.  With a fresh courage in his heart, Lemmy turned his gravity upside down, and started digging a hole in his tunnel's roof.  He dug for about two days straight, and he dug out four miles of ground.  Finally, his little hands broke the surface, and he quickly grabbed the edge of the hole.  To fall would mean his death.  So, he struggled out of the hole, and found that he was in a forest, with fresh apples on the trees.  A river flowed form a nearby mountain.  Lemmy bit into the apples, grateful for a meal, and drank more than enough water to quench his choking thirst.  Lemmy thought he had found paradise, for to him, at the moment, food and water were paradise.  He lounged under the shade of a tree while sitting his feet in the water.  It was a relaxing moment, and Lemmy thought that he ahould just sit there for the rest of hid life.

[Lemeri]

He couldn't really of course, and soon a reminder of that fact came in the form of Xan Kriegor.
"What happened, kid? The world blew up in the future, by the way."
"I failed. A crazy Mandalorien jumped and shot me, and my past. We fell into the mud."
"Heh. Good story. Now, what really happened?"
"I TOLD YOU XAN! STOP MESSING WITH MY LIFE!"
Suddenly, two men in white coats emerged from the ground.
"Time to go for a little ride, Lemmy." one of them sneered.
"NOOO!" Lemmy roared. He lept into the air and took off at a run. A huge cube smashed into him, launching him through the air. All went dark.

                                                                           ---

When he woke up, he was lying on a bed in the dreaded 'hosp'.
"You've had a bat night, eh?" the lead doctor asked him "Here. Take this." He handed Lemmy a pill.
"N-No! Don't... Give me your.... Poison!" Lemmy slurred. He sluggishly pulled the sheets off and stumbled towards the window. He Spread his arms wide and inhaled the air. Suddenly, the railing broke away and he plunged out the window.

[Timballisto]

You mean the huge boulder-cube from my post, or just some other cube?

[Lemeri]

It dosn't really matter. The point is to get across that Lemmys life is a surreal series of 1 in 1000 accidents.

[Lemika]

Lemmy hit his face on the hard pavement. He had the now-not-so-strange feeling that he ought to be dead, but of course, he wasn't.
And to nobody's great surprise, Xan Kriegor was standing in front of him.
He looked up, expecting Xan to say something, but he didn't.
"What's WRONG with you?" Lemmy shouted. "You make my life a living hell, and now you won't even TALK to me?"
He scrambled to his feet, a mad light in his eyes, and ran half-crouched down the street singing a song in a language he didn't even know.
Xan just stared after him as Lemmy rounded the corner, tripped over an old motorscooter, and skidded fifty feet before landing in a bloody heap at the base of a news building.