Random Story

[Lemeri]

bit her on the throat. She fell. But as she was going down, she shot Lemmy in the gut.
"Impossible..." Lemmy gasped, and then he died.

[Lemika]

Lemmy returned to life surrounding by odd, whirring machinery and the concerned looking face of a fish. "Wh-... where am I? I'm... I'm dead! I got shut! My gut!" he tried to sit up, but the machinery held him down. He was sure there wasn't any air in his lungs, for some bizarre reason.
"Calm yourself!" exclaimed the fishman. "I can show you the secrets of the universe, if you will clear your mind of all thought."
"How am I supposed to do that?" Lemmy asked.
"Kill yourself again, man. Then I'll insert the info into your little brain."

[Timballisto]

So then, Lemmy killed himself by not breathing.

[Lemika]

When he came to again, he was dangling from a thin mesh of wires over a watery pit.
"What about my... memories?" he whispered. "I... you said... the secrets of the universe would be mine... you..."
But nobody even heard his cries. Except for...

[Lemeri]

A cruel fisherman named Sibbie, who mocked him for the rest of his days.

[Lemika]

Fortunately, Lemmy was just having another one of those freakish dreams of his.
He woke up to surreal music playing in the room next to his, and some hoarse shouting coming from outside. He jumped out of his bed, realized he was wearing a black cape, and opened up the window.
"Cut it out with the singing!" he shouted. "You're givin' me nightmares!"
Strangely, he didn't see anybody out the window. He shrugged, and decided to eat a croissant in the attic.

[namida]

Lemmy buyed a packet of zhokkleberries. He ate them. They made him horny.

[Mr. K]

Then, for no reason, he jumped off a cliff. He hit his head on concrete, knocking him out, and then a semi ran him over. He was dead.

When Lemmy next woke up, he was laying on a cloud.
"What the heck's happening NOW?" he asked. He walked for a mile, and saw golden gates. A winged old lady was floating next to it with a scroll.

"NAME?" she asked.
"Uhh... Lemmy." Lemmy said.
"You didn't register for death. We'll have to reincarnate you." she said. He hit Lemmy rapidly with a sledgehammer. Blood splashed everywhere as Lemmys vision faded again. He then woke up on a sidewalk. He stood up, and got ran over by a wheelchair going about 80mph. "Where?" Lemmy asked himself. He checked his watch. The year was...

[Lemika]

3015. "Wow, time sure flies when you die so often!" Lemmy exclaimed, and tossed his watch into the road. He watched some sort of futuristic car run it over, and waved his arms over his head.
The car stopped, and the window rolled down.
"What is it, kid? I'm busy," Xan Kriegor snapped.
"Xan! Y-you!" Lemmy stuttered, and fainted dead into the road.
He came to with smelling salts being liberally sprinkled across his snout. He appeared to be in an abandonded warehouse, and was surrounded by...

[Timballisto]

several evil skitzophrenic bricks.  They were stomping around on circles and looking like the world hated them...because it did.

[Mr. K]

Then, in his dazed confusion, Lemmy said to the bricks: "Hi. Will you be my friend?"

A brick hit him on the head, and he left the trance.

"No." it said
"But I am evil and sometimes kill myself" Lemmy said.
All the bricks turned to Lemmy. "EVIL! WOOOOO! WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS!"
"Then let's go cause some trouble," Lemmy said evilly.

[Lemika]

So they went off to rob another convenience store, which was Lemmy's favorite crime of late. Unfortunately, they were caught red-handed, and arrested.
As Lemmy languished in jail, he thought of his past glories with sadness. "Damn, but I wish I still had demon powers!" he snarled, shaking his bars.
There was a clicking noise from behind him. Lemmy whirled around to see...

[Andi]

Xan litting a cigarette. "I didn't know you smoke." Lemmy said. "Ah! Crap!" said Xan and throwed his cigarette away.
"Btw, what are you doing here, Xan? Have you been cauht, too?" "Nope. I'm here here to rescue you!" Xan shot a big hole in the wall. Out there was...

[Lemika]

... shadowy figures moving through the twilight, surrounded by falling snow and illuminated in the headlights of passing cars.
"Uhh..." Lemmy said. "I'm not sure this is the best rescue."
"You got a better plan, kid?" Xan asked, grinding the cigarette with his foot.
"Well, no, I--" Lemmy started to say something, but was tossed out through the hole with Xan's robotic strength.
He picked himself up, and stared straight into...

[Timballisto]

the face of one very large pdf document.