Corrupt-a-Wish

[GigaLem]

They arrive at your door stop those they're not for playing with unfortunately

man I wish i could find an octagon

[Dullstar]

A mix-up at the warehouse results in you getting an octopus instead. Elsewhere, an aquarium is very confused about the polygon it has just received.

I wish for a cookie with exactly twenty-three chocolate chips.

[Wafflem]

You receive the twenty-three-chocolate-chip cookie, but suddenly a portion of it with a chocolate chip falls to the ground. Now you have a cookie with exactly twenty-two-chocolate-chip cookies.

I wish I could relax on a beach on a nice sunny day - no tidal waves, no storms, and no crabs to pinch me.

[Timballisto]

The beach is part of an ancient coast in a desert, only the ocean left a long time ago.  There is no water there, just sand.  It is an extremely sunny day.  You are doing a great job relaxing because you have died of dehydration while trying to cross the desert.

I wish I had a piece of sod so I could use it to decorate my kitchen table.

[bsmith]

You get a thick slab of prairie sod big enough to cover the table. It is so heavy your kitchen table collapses from the weight.

I wish I did not have to cook the turkey tomorrow morning.

[Wafflem]

The turkey eventually gets overly contaminated with bacteria and is spoiled and unsafe to eat.

I wish I had wings.

[Colorful Arty]

Here are your overcooked chicken wings! Also, no sauce.

I wish people would stop putting twists in my wishes.

[GigaLem]

So i put in Bends instead

I wish i can read japanese

[Wafflem]

あなたは日本読み取ることができますが、もはや英語を読むことはできません。

Translation:

You can read Japanese but can no longer read English.

(sorry, I had to use Google Translate)

I wish I can glow in the dark.

[Dullstar]

Congratulations. You now glow in the dark. Hope you don't like sleeping in dark rooms. Also, your doctor is somewhat confused and concerned by this development.

I wish I had the ability to travel back a little bit in time for the purpose of avoiding scheduling conflicts (i.e. something like the Time Turner Hermione has in one of the Harry Potter books), so that I could do (thing at a certain time), then, when it's over, travel back in time to do (other thing at the same time).

[GigaLem]

Congratulations you are now the voice of Sonic in

Spoiler

In which features a terrible time traveling story (Sounds like i just gave arty a part name)

I wish Time traveling was illegal

[Wafflem]

All of time is frozen, and because of that the whole world is frozen.

I feel really lonely and my sister doesn't want to come out of her room. I wish she would come out and build a snowman with me.

[Dullstar]

Your sister is now an only child who's built a rather morbid snowman.

I wish I could function off of less sleep.

[NathanBros]

Granted, in your dreams.

I wish don't have nightmares.

[GigaLem]

You removed the hardest difficulty in Doom however you still have nightmares

I wish I was a crystal gem