Random Story

[Burned]

Let's make a new random story!

Rules:
1. You must continue from the last poster.
2. Anything can happen. In fact, anything RANDOM can happen.
3. Make it fun!

Let's begin.

One day, a line of lemmings were walking in the jungle. Suddenly, packs of dogs came to them, growling at them. All the lemmings squealed with fear as a Doberman dog opened his jaws. The first lemming in line, however, has a bomb timer on his head.

[Dullstar]

This lemming exploded, and all the dogs drowned for no known reason.  Scientists are still scratching their hair off trying to figure out what happened.

[Burned]

Then a lemming, Terry, came up to the scientists.

Terry: The lemmings are being stupid again.
Scientist 1: Then why aren't you being stupid?
Terry: Huh? Wait, what do you mean?

Then three Pokemon crashed into the lab. They were Lanturn, Aerodactyl and Muk. Aerodactyl accidentally crushed Scientist 3, killing him.

[Dullstar]

Suddenly, the error message

"Scientific Laboratory 1 has broken down."*

was displayed.  Five seconds later,

"Scientific Laboratory 1 still hasn't been fixed.  Check where your mechanics are or consider organizing them better."*

Five seconds later:

"Scientific Laboratory 1 has crashed!"*
"Three people have died in an accident on Scientific Laboratory 1."*

_{*Anyone who's played Roller Coaster Tycoon 2 will be familiar with these messages.  Similar or identical ones are in the original as well.}

[Burned]

(Sorry. I haven't played that game yet.)

A week later, Xan Kreigor came over to investigate the incident. He saw Terry, who was worried.

Terry: How's my strange brother doing?
Xan: He's getting angstier by the minute. He always whines so much. But he'll always be my best friend no matter what.
Terry: That's great to know. Xan, I hope you help Lemmy. He's like a brother to you.
Xan: An annoying brother.

Xan then proceeded inside the laboratory.

[Dullstar]

Aliens that couldn't spell came and passed a warning message to Xan that read:

Wii iz goeins tu ubduhkts u.

Ironically, their space craft exploded when they saw a word that was spelled right.

[Burned]

Xan: Okay...that was weird.

Then Xan saw the crack on the hole where the Aerodactyl, Lanturn and Muk crashed. He saw something really odd about it...

Terry: What is it?
Xan: Something very familiar-looking...

[Dullstar]

But... what was it?  It was... odd.  It was an aggressive lemming.  Or, more specifically, the female Lemmings, last seen doing their murderous deeds in Lemmings 3.  Xan was about to embark on the epic journey.  Enough lemmings had died at the hands of these lemmings, it was his job to make sure nothing happened to any other lemmings.

However, as I prefer to call them, the female lemmings.

If only the good female lemmings would step in at some point.  But they don't.

Upon closer examination of the crack, there were also just regular lemmings, turned aggressive.  Lemming couples could apparently get a little dangerous.

[Liebatron]

The crack was large; and the hole was dark. There was no source of light, no ostensible entrance.

Terry didn't notice anything strange; but Xan was perplexed; "How did they get in there?"
Terry, perplexed, intoned confusion, "Where? How did they get where?"
"In there, in the hole. There's a cavern here with lemmings in it, and I have no idea how they got in."
Terry was either too stupid or didn't care enough to see the significance of this, "So?"
Xan explained further, "They've either been there a really long time or they... I don't know, they teleported."
It dawned on Terry, "Oh, no they're just in there."
Xan was irritated, "Yeah, that's exactly what I said, but how?"
Just then a tree collapsed near them and a whirring noise announced the presence of a bulldozer, "Hey! You guys, what are you doing here? This is a mining operation, you're not supposed to be here!"
Xan spoke first, "Well who's mining here? What's here to mine?"
The cab driver looked around, then said "I can't say..."

[Liebatron]

~"Uh, I'm not supposed to tell anyone what we're mining, least of all you; you're a bit suspicious, you know. Anyway, I'm working here for Psygnosis, I'm just here to knock down trees, now move."

They moved. Xan looked down into the crack. The lemmings were building a ladder of lemmings to get out. A strange idea struck Xan, and he counted the lemmings... There were 80 of them, exactly...

[GigaLem]

Each lemming did something and learned new tricks
Like Bungee
Jack hammer
Minigun
Ram Hammer
And stuff
Untill one of them cuase an earth quake with a ram hammer Plus Ruining the ladder
But discoverd Hidden Palace Zone...

[Lemika]

"Well then, kid, down the hatch." Xan leapt down the hole, heedless of the long fall.

Lemmy stared after him for a few minutes, but upon hearing a strange sound coming from somewhere behind him he decided that the best thing to do was to follow Xan. He jumped.

It seemed like an eternity of falling, and he heard strange howling and gibbering noises surrounding him. He saw other lemmings falling all around him in slow motion. He tried to talk to them, but there was no answer, and he realised that he wasn't actually speaking.

At the end everything cleared, and they both stood in the Hidden Palace Zone. Lemmy tried to get his bearings, and the first thing he noticed was that Xan Kriegor was sprawled on a throne in front of him, holding something that was either a terrifying gun or a very strange sceptre.

"Xan? What is this?"

[Liebatron]

"This? I dunno, an Enforcer, Razorjack, Lightning Gun, does it really matter what it's called? It kills people."

"No! This, all of this; what's going on here?"

Xan sighed and turned to look into the dim recesses of the cave.

"Lemmy. It's been a long life, this one. Careworn, full of adventures. We've had quite the adventures in our day; and now we stand at the outset of a new one, and I just have to wonder... I just have to think. Was any of it worthwhile?"

Lemmy let out an audible gasp. He was right of course, but in all those times, whether Xan was his enemy or his friend, he'd always been the confident one; the one who knew where the course of events was heading.

Xan continued, "Do we stand any wiser than before? I mean none of it ever made any sense; and now you're still running around bashing the living souls out of bricks and dirt and building those bridges you always build, and I feel like no matter how many of them I kill I always end up right back where I started. No matter how many I kill.."

He turned towards Lemmy and gestured at the gibbering pile of lemmings around him, slowly picking themselves up off the floor and seeking a leader to follow.

"Lemmy, think about it all. The robot you pushed over the edge; it kept saying 'Please pass the milk please'*, and you thought you killed it, but why? Why are we doing any of this? It's like we've lost sight of the goal...

(*Back around 2007 in the old Random Story this totally happened.)

Lemmy was falling into a haze; this wasn't supposed to happen, and Xan was right; none of it made any sense... But there was something that mattered... Something really important that he needed to tell Xan about. He sought desperately for it while Xan rambled on; "I'm tired, Lemmy, I want to put down the enforcer and figure out where this road leads, because as time goes on I'm starting to think it's a loop... It never ends unless you break the road... I have to break the road I'm on..."

Lemmy grabbed him and with all of his relatively insignificant might tried to shake Xan out of it; "The Goal, Xan! The Goal! It does matter; it might take awhile, but we'll get there! It is confusing, after all we're only mere Lemmings, but it's not like we're out here to no purpose; remember the goal!"

"What Goal? I've had the same goal since birth and no matter how many times I accomplish it, no matter how many adventures I go on and no matter how hard I try to figure out if it's even the right goal, it keeps coming back! Get the flag, get the flag, get the flag!"

"What Flag?! The one you use when you play paintball?"

"No! The infernal cursed Flag! I learned at first to love the sight of the flag, it meant victory! Prestige! Now I hate it and I curse its existence, the thing binding me to this world, and nothing I can do can destroy it!"

He shoved the cartridge back into his gun and stood up;

Lemmy tried to explain; "We have to get to the entrance, don't you understand? That's what this is all about."

"And then what? What comes next?"
In the dim haze of memory words and images returned to him;

In the depths of the earth, darkness engulfing everything the flames couldn't reach, laying brick after brick onto an endless stairway; a sign on the wall; he turned to Xan and said, "Heaven"

A forest, night; scared and lonely wandering through the thicket of brambles and trees,  bashing blindly into the wilderness; then on a hilltop; he whispered; "Home"

He turned towards Xan. His gun was level with his head, "Do you really buy it, kid?"

Lemmy sprang towards him, but before he could reach him a shield descended between them; invisible. He pounded on the invisible wall and shouted at him; "No matter how much I hate you, you've always been here, you can't leave! You can't leave, Xan! The World doesn't make any sense without you; even if I do hate you; you're the only thing in it that always stays the same!"

"I'm done with this, kid. I'm tired, just let me go. None of it makes sense anymore, and I'm coming to realize... This is the only way out of it. The only way I can know that I'll never be drawn inexorably back to that accursed flag... Like a fly to a light, I swear."

"What about me!? What about me!!?" Lemmy screamed.

"You don't need me. You just think you need me. I'm not taking you with me either, kid; I've tried to kill you plenty before this; first off it doesn't work. Second off, you've got a reason to be here. They need you."
He pointed behind Lemmy. Slowly, Lemmy turned and saw the lemmings staring at him. Blank, idle, stares, but devoted; burning with a desperate need to find that exit.

Behind him he heard Xan, "They still need a leader. Go to Heaven, kid. Go home."
Then a single shot rang out and echoed around the chamber forever.